On Any Given Day

I do the best I can.

Sometimes that doesn't add up to a hill of beans.

Other days, it's a feat worth admiring.

I've watched my compass turn ninety degrees left, then one hundred eighty right.

How much did I sleep?

What did I eat?

Am I hydrated?

How is my mental health?

What's my stress level?

Who's in my corner?

My circle?

My bed?

Do I like my job?

How much am I working?

How's my relationship with my daughter,

my sister,

my mother,

my father,

my brother?

How is my daughter?

How are her relationships?

Is she like me?

Has she talked to her father?

Am I a good mother?

How much schoolwork do I have?

Have I drank,

Used?

Smoked?

What medications am I taking?

What day of my cycle is it?

How old am I?

How much do I weigh?

What's happening locally?

Globally?

How is my brain chemistry?

Have I exercised?

Have I gotten outside?

Am I making art?

Am I meditating?

Am I angry?

Who am I resentful toward?

What am I grieving?

Who am I grieving?

Is it raining?

Is it sunny?

What's the temperature?

What's the air quality?

The water quality?

And for every variable I've listed, there are ten times as many I didn't.

It's a lot.

It's complicated.

Some of it I can control.

Much of it I can't.

Like a pendulum, I swing.

It's life.

There are simply too many variables to measure my worth by any single day.

So I'll offer myself grace.

I'll surrender what isn't mine to carry.

And tomorrow, I'll do the best I can all over again.