Living High: How Healing the Void Ends the Need to Get High

For most of my life, I was chasing a high. Not just drugs, everything. Love. Attention. Praise. Success. Money. Recognition. Men. Anything that could momentarily lift me out of myself.

Underneath it all was a quiet, insatiable void. A black hole I didn’t know how to name, only how to feed.

Like so many people, I believed something outside of me would finally make me feel whole. So I kept reaching. And the more I reached, the emptier I felt.

I filled the void with all the wrong things. And the more I filled it, the more it demanded.

That’s the lie we’re sold, that relief lives outside of us. I the forgiveness of an invisible man in the sky. In validation. In achievement. In relationships. In substances

But the cycle doesn’t stabilize. It intensifies.

The chase got darker. Faster. More desperate.I wasn’t just chasing pleasure anymore, I was chasing numbness. And it was killing me.

Living High Begins When the Void Stops Running the Show

Eventually, I reached a breaking point. The kind where denial collapses and truth is unavoidable.

I realized nothing, and I mean nothing, was ever going to fill that void except me.

Not relationships. Not substances. Not success. Not another person’s attention.

That realization didn’t feel empowering at first. It felt devastating. Because it meant I had to stop chasing and start surrendering. Surrender wasn’t a moment. It was a slow, painful process.

Layer by layer, I began pulling things out of the void:

• Substances

• Relationships

• Old pain

• Mental constructs

• Stories I’d been telling myself for decades

  
  

Letting go felt like dying over and over and over again. But something unexpected happened. The more I released, the lighter I became. The lighter I became, the less I needed to drink, use, date, prove myself, or overextend myself.

I wasn’t forcing sobriety. I wasn’t white-knuckling restraint. The desire to chase simply… dissolved.

Life Force Energy Is the High We’re Actually Looking For

Here’s what I didn’t understand before: I wasn’t addicted to substances. I was void of energy.

I had been leaking my life force energy for years, through trauma, self-abandonment, overgiving, and disconnection from my body. When your internal energy source is depleted, you instinctively look for power elsewhere.

That’s not just drug addiction.

That’s:

• People who use people

• Emotional “energy vampires”

• Chronic overachievers

• Love addicts

• Burned-out caregivers

I did it too, especially with emotionally unavailable men. Different source. Same pattern.

We all try to fill internal disconnection with something external. What we don’t realize is that the energy we’re seeking is already inside us. Once you reconnect to it, it becomes self-sustaining.

You stop needing a fix because you are the fix.

That’s what it means to be living high.

When you’re living high:

• You don’t need substances to elevate you

• You don’t need validation to feel worthy

• You don’t need chaos to feel alive

You’re no longer siphoning energy from people, places, or things. You’re generating it from within. That’s holistic recovery. That’s real freedom.

Because once you start living high, you stop wanting to get high. 🌒✨