What Falling From Grace Taught Me

I spend a lot of time these days in reflection. It helps me gain clarity and make sense of things. Before, I was just living, not paying much mind to what was happening around me or inside of me. What a mistake that was. I’ll chalk it up to a necessary experience that landed me here.

Not that I’m living high on the hog these days, but the depth of spirit I’ve cultivated makes up for any material wealth I lack. The lessons I learned from living unconsciously led to my liberation and authentic alignment, and that is priceless.

Falling from Grace

I learned that no amount of success, material wealth, men, parties, friends, or drugs could fill the void inside me. Only I could do that. I think that void is felt by most people, to one degree or another, but it manifests differently in each of us. All the void really needs is love.......love and acceptance.

Falling from Grace

When I fell from grace, I discovered that the best way to love myself was through gentle reparenting. Speaking to myself, and especially my inner child, in the way my spirit always needed, with unconditional love, forgiveness, encouragement, and acceptance.

I learned that healing isn’t linear. It’s more like an infinite spiral staircase. Sometimes you slip and fall down a flight or two (or ten), but you keep climbing, come hell or high water and I know hell well, so I just keep swimming.

I’ve learned to be grateful for the easy days, because just like the hard ones, they won’t last. I’ve learned humility, knowing full well that if the circumstances were just slightly different, I might not have been so lucky.

And most importantly, I’ve learned that it’s not my job to save others. My job is to save myself. If I choose, I can shine a light for someone else, but only if they want to see.

Reparenting and Inner Child Work

I discovered I deserve far more than I ever believed I did. I learned to stop playing small to protect fragile egos and how to be happy alone.

I've learned that fear is the devil we know, yearning to keep us stuck in a familiar hell. Playing it safe is for the birds. This life is for me, and I'll be damned if I waste another day staying stuck for someone else or in fear of what they will think of me.

I’ve also learned what true sacrifice is, and that I am willing to sacrifice almost everything for peace. I’ve learned that I am the most important person in my world, because when I put myself first in the most unselfish way, my daughter always gets the best version of me.

I’ve stopped chasing people. My energy is precious, and I can’t afford to waste it on frivolous things. I’ve learned to let go. If it’s not meant for me, I don’t want it. I’ve stopped expecting people to change and believe them when they show me who they are, the first time.

And one of the most powerful lesson of all: I’ve learned to trust myself. That big change happens through a million small steps, that there is no rush, and that transformation doesn’t happen overnight.

In every relationship, I see a reflection of myself, my wounds, my growth, my lessons. But mostly, I’ve learned that we are all capable of so much more than we believe.

My fall from grace wasn’t the end of my story. It was the beginning.

✨ If you’re on your own spiral staircase of healing, know that you’re not alone. At Golden Shadows, we walk this path together.