The Art of Letting Go: How Letting Go Of Control Helped Me Choose Myself

For most of my life, I held on tightly to relationships—not because they were good for me, but because I was terrified to let them go.

When someone showed even a sliver of interest in me, it felt like I had to lock it down, hold onto it, prove I was worthy of it staying. Deep down, I believed I was unlovable. So I clung. I overgave. I stayed when I should’ve walked away. I ignored red flags. I silenced my intuition. And over time, those choices chipped away at my sense of self, leaving me feeling depleted, anxious, and even more unworthy than before.

I didn’t know it then, but I was addicted to control—not in the traditional sense, but in the subtle way so many of us are: controlling outcomes, people’s perceptions of us, the illusion of security. I thought if I just tried hard enough, loved hard enough, performed well enough, the love I longed for would finally stay.

But it didn’t. It never truly could.

Why Letting Go of Control Was the Hardest (and Best) Thing I’ve Ever Done

Letting go of control wasn’t a single moment. It was a thousand quiet decisions to surrender:

• Surrender the fantasy of what a relationship could be.

• Surrender the belief that someone else’s love would complete me.

• Surrender the lie that I had to earn love to be worthy of it.

  
  

And let me be honest—none of this happened gracefully. It was messy. I grieved. I wrestled. I doubted. And still, I kept coming back to one question:“What would happen if I stopped abandoning myself to be loved by someone else?”

Healing Through Surrender: A Journey Back to Myself

My healing began when I stopped seeing surrender as weakness and started seeing it as the gateway to inner peace.

I thought letting go meant giving up. But what I discovered is that healing through surrender is the most courageous act of self-respect. It’s choosing to trust life, trust yourself, and trust that what is meant for you won’t require you to betray who you are.

I had to learn to sit in the discomfort of loneliness without trying to fill it with another person. I had to learn to be the one who stayed—with me. And in doing that, I slowly started to rebuild a sense of worthiness that wasn’t conditional on anyone else's approval or attention.

How Surrender Creates Inner Peace (Even When It Hurts)

The truth is, I still sometimes catch myself wanting to reach back—to text, to fix, to people-please. But now I pause. I breathe. I remind myself that peace doesn’t come from being chosen by someone else. It comes from choosing myself over and over again.

Surrender, for me, is an ongoing practice. It’s trusting that I don’t have to force love. That I don’t have to settle for second-rate affection when I am building a first-class relationship with myself.

And slowly, that inner peace I thought only love could bring? I found it in solitude. In boundaries. In truth-telling. In quiet mornings and deep breaths and walking away when something didn’t feel aligned.

A Practice You Can Try

If you're in the thick of holding on too tightly, try this simple surrender practice:

✨ Breathwork for Letting Go:

• Inhale for 4 counts

• Hold for 7 counts

• Exhale slowly for 8 counts(Do this for 3–5 rounds to soothe your nervous system and create space for clarity.)

  
  

✨ Journal Prompt:

What am I afraid to let go of—and what truth might set me free if I did?

Final Thoughts: You Are Not Unlovable

Letting go isn’t easy. But neither is living a life where you’re constantly shrinking yourself to be loved by people who don’t truly see you.

You are not unlovable. You never were.

Letting go is the act of remembering that.

And the next time you’re tempted to hold on tighter, I invite you to soften instead. Take a breath. Choose yourself. Trust that what is meant for you will not require you to abandon yourself to receive it.